"Falsus in unum, falsus in omnibus"

*Disclaimer: This post is based on my own personal observations of the people I have encountered in my life. Please make up your own mind about what I have written here. These experiences are personal. I am not passing judgement on anyone here and the reason I am writing this so people can reflect on their own lives and actions. It is something that has been bothering me for a long time and I needed a place to vent.

I am a Christian. And I have been one for coming to 10 years of my life; grew up either in a Catholic or Christian school. I started attending and being active in church soon after the day of my salvation. I've personally had my ups and downs. My time when I was close to God and my time away from God. I am far for being the poster boy of what most people would call “the ideal Christian boy/man/whatever you want to call it”.

One thing I love to do in my life in church is to observe. To watch how every other Christian around me behaves, acts and lives out their lives. To learn perhaps by observation. Most Christians I've encountered love to wear their religion (or relationship but I'm going to use religion here simply because its easier) on their sleeves like a badge of honour.

I am happy to say that in my many years in church I have met many wonderful people. Christians who really care and who really show themselves true. people who have helped me grow, to see different sides of God. To become a better person and a better "Christian".

But on the flip side, I have met more of those who are not. They hide themselves behind façades; behind an idea of how they want to be seen to the world around them. they show themselves great in front of the eyes of those who matter. to climb the social and political powers that surround any organisation (and in particular organized religion).

People who have one more then one occasion caused me to walk away from them. Many people say, you go to church for God and not for people but these are the same people who say that we (people) make up the church. So if I go to church for God, why do I have to fellowship with others? I mean, from the start, the argument is flaw. Most people go to church for the first time because their friends bring them. That proves you do go to church for people. And most of the time, u continue to go because of people, friends etc...

They use the infamous term “in the service of God” or “doing God's work” as a excuse for ignore their personal responsibilities to their own lives while expecting others around them (especially if those other are Christians) to pick up the slack for them. They come of as wonderful Christians but horrible human beings (yes, its possible to be that). When you make a choice, it is YOUR choice; people can support you but they cannot do everything for you. It's your responsibility to find balance in your life and not expect others to help you balance it. And if you can't then it your prerogative to make it work. And if you don't and continue to expect others to pick up your shit , then that is nothing more then being a self-centred p***k.

Yet, these are often the same people who are always the first to judge, the first to cast their stone. They use their positions of power within the church structure or their influence (people they know) to give them the position to measure every one else. Often without really knowing or understanding any thing or any one. It's so easy to judge isn't it?

They cast moral judgement on others as a way to ensure their own superiority. They give themselves the right to be better then anyone else. They become hypocrites. "Pharisees" anyone?

When you stand up and say what you say and tell people, “Follow me! I have found a better way. The TRUE way!” Just remember, the world is looking and they look beyond what is shown. They look at EVERY aspect of your life. And the best part is, once someone knows one side that doesn't add up to what you advertise yourself to be...well, lets just say, people talk.

I have grown tired and wary of these people. I have encountered too many of them in my life; both in Singapore and in Australia and I suspect that there are people like this all around the world. They have become the reason I have grown to distrust the Church (in fact, ironically, most of these people either work for the church or are very much and active part of a church). After all, a church is made of the kinds of people in it. They often enjoy using the fact they are working for the church to become ugly and disgusting human beings. Is that how you want to be seen?

Serving God? Serving a higher purpose? Or serving your own selfish needs for power? Sometimes people just work for the church because they are desperate or incapable of finding a job somewhere else. But it's not for me to say why. Everyone has their own reasons and they will one day have to be honest with themselves. I've had to make the choice one before and my choice was based on what was best in the long run. I was taught a long time ago: Service does not equal to power. Service does not equal to the right to rule. Service is simple to serve. To help. To make better someone else's position.

I am not the perfect Christian, in fact, I am far from it. but I know this. it is not my place in this world to judge. it is my place in this world to listen, to understand and to try to help those that need help. And it is through the way I live my life that they will see that I have found something they need. Its easier to convince someone that you are good by being good rather then saying you are good. Facta, non verba.

I am on a journey, one that will take my entire lifetime to complete. To say "I am perfect" is to say my journey is over. Yet, this is how many Christians want to be seen. But not me, I am happy being an imperfect being. It gives me the chance to learn the lesson in life that i need to learn. Someone a lot wiser them me once said, "The important part of a journey isn't the destination but rather its how we get there."

Many people have said that there are 2 types of Christians in this world; those that are on fire for God and those that are not. I believe there are 2 type of Christians in this world, but its simply those that understand and those who think they understand. It your choice who you want to be. Not anyone else's.